You Are There

It's day six in this 30 day intentional prayer journey and so far, so good. By starting each morning with a little one on one time with God, I have noticed myself becoming less reactive and just a little more responsive.

This morning I've had a portion of Psalm 139 running through my mind.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

It was over a decade ago that this scripture was on my mind day and night and became my only prayer because it was all I could come up with to say during a terrible time of grief. I'll never forget a particular time when the words changed from spoken words into lyrics of a song, complete with melody. My heart was utterly broken, my thoughts knew only to meditate on God's word and as I did so, God provided my broken heart with a song to envelope the precious encouraging scripture.

I had been afraid to let go and allow the grief that i felt to pour out of my eyes through tears because I had honestly felt like if I did let it begin to pour, it would never ever stop. I thought my kids would end up having to live through yet another tragedy of seeing their Mommy carried off in a straight jacket because the grief of losing their brother and grandpa, within mere weeks of each other, had made their Mommy, finally, lose it.

But through that Psalm, that song, my heart was reminded that it didn't matter how low the sadness might take me, God would be there. If I fell to the floor in sorrow, Jesus would come and watch over me, meet me and keep me as I let the gates open and allow the pain to flow.

Oh, Dear God,

How could I ever forget the places you've met me? I've been lower in spirit than anyone should ever have to live through and yet I did go there and lived.

You met me in my darkest moments, moments that I thought would take my own life. I was so broken that I believed that completely feeling even another second of the pain would be more than I could handle, but I handled it, because you were with me.

I know that somewhere there are parents losing children in this very moment and I pray that somehow, someway, they become acquainted with your unbelievable love and comfort. For those losing a parent, remind them that just as Mom or Dad was there for them in the ways that they were able, you can be there for them in a parental way that would make even the best version of a parent, dim by comparison.

For anyone feeling like the next blow of sadness will surely break them beyond repair, let them know that with you, they are able to meet any disappointment or loss.

For all of us just plodding along right now, with no big sorrow at our doorstep, let us learn to come alongside those who are hurting without fear of not doing or saying the right things. Let us rise to the occasion and be who you created each of us to be, a dear friend, a brother or sister to another.

Let me never ever forget that no matter where joy or tears may take me, I will never be out of reach from your spirit.