A Heart for God's Desire

Some call me a goody two shoes. 

Obviously, they don't know me very well 

because just like everyone else, 

surprise, surprise, 

I have a dark side.

If you're brave, read on.

Right up front I'll tell you that there's nothing sorted or too terribly over the top written here. Hope that doesn't disappoint you.  If I were to write absolutely everything down that this one or that, or especially God, who knows and sees every part of me, happened to witness regarding some of my darker thinking or actions, your screen would immediately get pitch black, making it impossible to read another word.

Don't worry, I won't be going there... for as open and honest as I am trying to be here,
I'm not stupid.

I'm guessing it's the same deal with you.  There is probably a handful or two of people who know practically every less than admirable move you've ever made and some of that handful would be more than happy to rehash every sorted detail with you or anyone else who would listen.  Those same people are the ones who say that they love you, which, speaking from experience, can personally make my dark Vadar-ish side grow instantly darker. That's not exactly a picnic in the park to recognize about myself, but I might as well face it, since it's true.

On the other side of the ever mounding heap of dark yuck is the side of myself that majority of people see.  The other side of me is the side that tries to do what is right, mostly, and sometimes surprisingly, that side of me tries to do what is right even when it's the harder thing to do.

I'm not tooting my own horn regarding this better side of myself, not in the least.  You see, this lighter side of me, this better side that hopefully even more of you come to know, is the product of one thing alone, a desire, in my often divided heart, to know and please God.

That's right, for any good that you find in me, give a heart for God's desire every ounce of credit. Beyond my heart for God there is nothing worthy of a second more of your time.

Dear God,
I am so aware of my need for you. The days upon days that I've neglected to acknowledge my dark side that has often ruled more of me than I care to admit, make me feel unworthy to even begin a prayer to you. Thank you for your graciousness to cut through the mess.

Since praying to you is based on the goodness of who you are and not dependent on any goodness by my own means, I come to you and ask you for the help and light that you are eagerly waiting to pour out to me.

I'm so grateful that you look beyond the good and bad layers of my life and go directly to the heart of the matter, my heart for your desire.

I'm thankful that you know that my heart, confused and misguided as it has often been, belongs to you.  Thank you for sticking by me during those darker days when I could have easily gone either way_ your healing truth and light or the depths of darkness and despair.

Now more than ever,  I'm thankful that I am in tune with my obvious need for you and in tune with what matters most to me, which is that I am real with the truth about you that I know and that I willingly do whatever I can to share it.

I'm thankful for the way that you take my past and toss it aside as if it never existed.  Today is what matters to you God, today and only today.

So, for myself and the untold ba-zillions of others who want to peel back the layers, remind us of your ability to see what really matters.  Remind us that all you ever hope to accomplish in us is that we fully seek to embrace your light.