Time To Grow Up

First thing on my mind this morning is that today is day twenty-one in my thirty day journey of blogged conversational prayer.

Second thing that comes to mind is, Hey, it's day twenty-one...  time to grow up!

Grow up,  I think to myself?  What is that suppose to mean?

Quickly it comes to mind that it means what it says, Grow up, already!

If it's possible for a person's own thoughts to ruffle their own feathers I must admit that right now, mine are a bit ruffled.

Immediately I start surveying my thinking and it doesn't take too long before the pebble of discomfort in my glass slippers reveals itself loud and clear.

Got a grudge?


Ah, there it is... unforgiveness.

I've always had plenty of people who appreciate me so it's easy to put aside the ones who absolutely don't and who, in turn, I not only don't particularly care for but one or two that I wouldn't mind seeing getting a dose of what I think they have coming to them.

Uh-oh.  Here we are... pure bred, grudge.

Could anything look sillier than a grown person throwing themselves on the floor and lashing about in a temper tantrum befitting a three year old?

To me, that's what I see in my mind's eye when I consider the possibility of how I look to God when I hold a grudge.  When I just can't let it go, when I cling to my rightness in a situation gone wrong like a child clings to the toy at Target and yelps in a fit of rage when the parent says to put it back.

I had a dream this week of neighbors of ours inviting us for a cookout.  I woke from the dream, startled.

In trying to make sense of the dream I began replacing the neighbors in the dream with other neighbors, ones who actually like us.  You see, the neighbors in the dream do not like us.

It's been one of the hardest situations I've ever dealt with in my entire life.  Lines were crossed that I haven't allowed myself to get past.  It doesn't help the situation in that it's justifiably terribly sandy down here in the Sunshine State, so, drawing the proverbial line in the sand has been super easy to do with these folks.

See how I can turn it into something funny? That's how I avoid things. That's how I tactfully cover the hurt so that it's a more attractive and practically fashionable, accessory.

It's time for me to erase that line, to invite the power of the Holy Spirit to blow the sand away and create a genuinely fresh, clean slate.

They hurt me deeper than anyone ever has_ they threatened my child.

I've told myself that I have every right to keep my distance and that they should be thanking us every single day that we didn't press charges then and there and legally tarnish the records and prove without a shadow of doubt, our rightness.

I have no rightness but through the forgiving blood of Christ that was not only shed for me, but was intended to cover everyone, everywhere, throughout history.  That blanket of forgiveness includes those who do not like me and it even includes those who threaten my child.

Dear God,

I really do want to grow up.  It is day twenty-one in this prayer journey but truth be told is that in regard to being aware of your  forgiveness and your love in my own life, I'm practically a senior citizen...  I should know better!

I should be able to turn the other cheek a thousand times or at least seventy times seven as it mentions in the Bible!  What is wrong with me? Why can't I let this go and leave it all to you to sort out?  Have I not received one hundred percent forgiveness for my own wrong doings every time that I come to you and ask?

This man who threatened us does not claim to be a child of yours.  For all I know, all he has ever known in a parent is one who violently raised his or her hand to him or maybe was never present to give a care at all. For all I know he was abandoned and helpless and had to fight every day of his childhood just to survive.  Maybe he's just mean spirited because that is what he desires to be, but whatever the reason for the hurt he has caused us, your love for him, for all of us, is bigger than any pain. Your love for each of us is greater than any darkness, chosen or not.

I know that to be fully in your will today, God, I have to completely lay down every hint of hurt that I carry around because of this unfortunate situation that has created a valley of divide.  I know that you intended to reach the entire lost world through the sacrifice of Jesus on the Cross.  I know that having died on the cross and rising days after is to serve as testimony that nothing, not even the darkness of death can defeat the undeniable, living power of God.

So, today, God, I put this hurt at the foot of your cross and with it I put every vindictive thought of settling the score and every below the radar distance that I have used to keep the separation alive.

I forgive because I am forgiven, even now.

Thank you for forgiving me.  I sense your cleansing power.  How can I ever repay you?