Listening

"So far, so good."

If I were to expand on that just a pinch I'd say, "So far, so worth it."

This beautiful sunny day marks day fourteen in my thirty day blogged journey of sharing my conversational type of prayer. I didn't start out on this road with any definite goal in mind other than to answer the nagging tug on my heart that I've been experiencing more than ever. I'm on this journey because I'm just trying to do whatever I can in order to relieve the tug.

The tug has been more intense these days, which now that I stop to think about it, has me a bit concerned as I haven't been able to handle it as I typically do which is to either ignore it, set it aside as something to do later or bury it with hurried and constant activity.  

My experiences with God in the past tell me that if he's tugging this hard, he's got something to teach me and it will be best for me to just be still and listen.

So, here I sit, listening.

Dear God, 

I am listening.  

I can't fully explain it but you now have my attention in a way that I've not allowed in years.  Sure, I've prayed and even wrote things down here and there to remind myself of specific things that I want to bring to you in prayer. I've said prayers for friends or family that have asked me to specifically pray for them.  I've prayed before my meals and I've said prayers each night, but for some reason, I am experiencing this idea that you desire more than that. 

I keep being reminded through little things like sermons I happen to hear, shows on television or books and articles that find their way to my attention, that you desire a more personal relationship than what I have been sharing with you.  It has made me think more intentionally about how I pray and I'm concluding that you and I have been more like the casual acquaintances that run into each other at the mall and mention how we miss each other and really should get together but never actually do anything to make those, well meaning but entirely misrepresented, exchanges come to pass. Oh, no.

Oh, no, God!  I didn't mean for this to happen to us, again. 

Now I remember a time in my life when this distance had come between us and just as you're doing now, you did whatever it took to reel me back in.  I remember the music club I had tried because of the great freebie offer that I couldn't resist that ended up delivering a CD that, song by song, drew me to a place where I could no longer pretend that it wasn't anything special between you and I.   I remember the devotional Bible with that pretty pink cover that for some unknown reason at the time, I picked up for myself and began craving so much that I would find myself reading days and days beyond the prescribed daily read because even in my dutiful christian life, I was starving for more.  I certainly hadn't needed another Bible but I undeniably had needed more of you.

Why you would want us to become closer and know me more intimately escapes me if I base it on myself because I know how flawed I am and so do you.  But as I write these words to you it becomes so clear that it isn't about me as much as it is about who you are and your generous nature as a loving, Heavenly Father.

I have to say this, God, that in drawing me closer to you through this shared - just 'talk to you' kind of - prayer, I am learning something new every single day and sensing something more glorious about my ordinary life.  

I am definitely better off than when I started this journey and so I will gladly continue because answering this tug on my heart is so worth it.